cosmo sex tip #669


when you grab his shaft, yell “pull the lever kronk”

(via awkward--alligator)


“man i am so tired” stays up for 3 more hours doing absolutely nothing

(via awkward--alligator)

If you think women are crazy you’ve never had a dude go from hitting on you to literally threatening to kill you in the time it takes you to say “no thanks.” - Kendra Wells  (via napsie)

(Source: mysharona1987, via euphon)


when i was little i wanted to go spend the night with my friend but my mom said no so i choreographed some dance to breakaway by kelly clarkson and i even broke a toothpick when the song said something about breaking away and she still said no 

(via awkward--alligator)


is this how he does it with women


he grabs their shoulders, doesn’t he

(via thewinterhoser)


i eat cake everyday because i know somewhere out there, it’s someone’s birthday

(via awkward--alligator)


could you please put your crying kid on vibrate

(Source: dutchster, via awkward--alligator)


my friend did a psychology class in high school and came to my house and diagnosed my cat with depression 

(via awkward--alligator)

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